Create & Capture

With the birth of a new year comes new creations... this is a fun little photoshoot my sister and I did when she was visiting me over Christmas & New Year's Eve! ::2015:: To be inspired & create in a new light...capturing moments in time.

Well, hello stranger!

It has been some time since I have blogged! With the new year, comes a new tide....constant change, like that of the ocean waves... repetitive and different at the same time. Here I sit typing away as I have always done but it's a new dawn, a new day, a new life...and I'm feelin' gooooood. So with all those metaphors said, I am simply happy to be back! 2014 was quite a year...as was 2013! Holy crap--SO much has happened since my last post. Life. Here's the cliff notes...let me rewind.... April 16th, 2012. I nervously coax Cash into a crate and leave him with my 2 suitcases to be placed in the belly of the beast, the Delta flight taking us to NYC, and I board the flight headed east. I was all nerves. So unsure of my decision and myself and my future. I had decided at the beginning of 2012 to make the most major shift I have ever made. I thought my move from my home town of Sarasota, FL to California at age 19 was the most major shift and then this happened and paled in comparison. At 19 I was naive and innocent and eyes wide at a new life knowing that my old life, everything since birth til 19, would still be there for me. My parents, my home, my friends...all conveniently waiting for my visits and calls and watching...cheering me on as I expanded my world. Adding to my already established life. This, however, felt different. I was saying good-bye... leaving behind a life I could never return to.... I was cutting out my own heart and the heart of someone else I loved very much. It maybe doesn't make a whole lot of sense to why I would cause so much pain to myself and someone I loved...and even to me, at that time, it didn't make sense. I just knew deep deep down in my heart of hearts that it had to be done. Recounting that time makes my palms sweat and my heart ache. Let me explain my side... I was 31 at the time...just 2 months shy of turning 32. I had been with someone for 5 years and desperately wanted to get married and start a family, a notion I was timid to admit-even to myself for fear of rejection, and rightfully so. I had in a way of sorts been rejected...even though I was in a relationship with the very person rejecting me. I could have a piece of the pie but not all of it. Leaving me hungry for more. My deepest desires since childhood, all those many moons ago in the days of building pillow forts and imaginary friends, was to have a family of my very own. Raise children. Build a home. A life. I was standing in the moment of my then current life watching it pass me by, feeling anxious that my boat was setting off to sea and I was stagnate...dead in the water... waiting for something that felt like it was never going to happen. I had to leave. I didn't want to...but I had to. I took the first seat on the red eye flight set to land the following day, April 17th, I felt like puking. I asked the stewardess if my dog, Cash, was ok under the plane. She said, "let me check" and returned a few minutes later with a small square of paper that had a tiny illustration of, ironically, a golden retriever dog with a cat and a parrot on either side and the words, "You're not alone. I'm on board too". I clung to that small piece of paper like it was a life raft and choked back the tears that inevitably began to swell. I will never forget that moment or how heavy my heart felt. Into the black night our flight pursued.... and when the sun regained consciousness, we had landed in New York. Just like that, a huge door had been shut and another one opened. On the car ride from the airport to my Brooklyn brownstone, I had only seen a few pictures of online & would now call my home, Cash laid across my lap. Both of us in the back seat & exhausted- we slept. He was my rock. We were each other's rock. He took on anything I wanted to do and anywhere I decided to go....he followed...with a huge smile and a wagging tail... he was my boy. I can honestly say, I could not have done any of it without him. He was my best friend. The year that transpired was full of major ups and major downs and MAJOR growth for me...Cash seemed to love his rooftop hangout and I often caught him sunbathing and moonlighting out there just looking happy as a clam. One of our favorite things to do together was to walk/jog the Williamsburg bridge from Brooklyn into Manhattan. The roundtrip jaunt took us about 2 hours and we got to take in the city and people and the jaw dropping skyline of the big apple that always left me awe struck...every time... "I had arrived"... I thought often as Cash & I crossed the East River from atop the bridge. So many emotions swirled in my heart and thoughts in my head.... I worked it out with the city and Cash... my pillars of truth and hope. Exactly one year to the day later, April 17. 2013. I met David. Our romance began as pen pals, friends, long distance curiosity. A mutual friend linked us up, somewhat unwittingly, and from that first message he sent me...I was intrigued. We wrote letters and eventually spoke on the phone over the course of a month... A foundation began to form that was so easy... It seemed like suddenly the universe conspired to bring us together and facilitate our blossoming love. It was like suddenly I looked up and all the traffic I had felt stuck in, had disappeared and every light was green ahead.... and I just drove... not knowing where I was going... I just went. In May we met in person for the first time. I already felt like I knew him and had a friendship with him, not to mention a crazy attraction. His plane arrived in La Guardia and I waited anxiously to see him for the first time in the flesh walking toward me... and so he did. He was extremely nervous, as was I, but I hid it better. haha. He just showed up with his heart on his sleeve. So unassuming and brave. I had never met such a man. His character was confirmed to my heart what my soul already knew...he is kind, gentle, strong, open, funny, handsome, genuine, and most of all, a true gentleman. Wow. Our whirlwind romance took off like wildfire... we embarked on a 7 month journey of long distance dating, an idea I always thought couldn't work but in this case...it did! It was exciting! We would jet set every 2 weeks to each other or meet somewhere entirely different. We would send packages, photos, letters, emails, videos...and he always sent me flowers. Roses. He just swept me off my feet. After our 7 month court-ship he convinced me to pack up Cash once again and move in with him in Austin, Texas. He flew to me and helped me pack and we set off in a rented van on December 1st, en route to Texas... We arrived 2 days later... into our new home, new for him & me. A cute little bungalow style home in Clarksville, just on the homey side of downtown Austin. The location couldn't be more perfect. It was all so easy. We rang in the New Year with lots of love and joy... 2014 was upon us. A lot happened this past year... good and bad. The worst was the passing of my confidant of 8.5 years, sweet Cash. It was cancer and it happened suddenly. I was and quite frankly still am-- devastated. It was a loss so large in my heart. This loss was simultaneously dated one year after the passing of my Uncle Mark, whom I was very close to. Still mourning the loss of a great man...I took on the grief of Cash's loss also. The month of September will never be the same for me. On a happy note, this past year is also the year that sweet David proposed! He whisked me away to NYC (still my favorite city to date) and popped the question on June 19th, just 3 days before my 34th birthday. It was magical. He constantly amazes me with how he shows up. I have never experienced anything like it. I felt like the shiny new prize that had been proudly claimed by the world's greatest man. Both of us feeling like lottery winners, we toured the city that we first fell in love in, basking in the moment and ecstatic for the future ahead. Since June, I have been planning our wedding... counting down to 98 days from the day I write this post! We are set to get married under a great big Oak tree at Selby Botanical Gardens situated on the Sarasota Bay. We are both beyond excited! Our honeymoon is booked for Positano Italy along the Amalfi Coast. We plan to visit Pompeii and The Isle of Capri (the same island where my father's parents honeymooned 70 years ago). I have never been to Italy and it's where my roots stem from. So, that's the short version of the last 3 years, not to mention: created a ton of art, had a lot of art shows, visited with many friends and family, traveled all over the U.S., laughed, cried, celebrated, lost, won.... life.